To the Pie People

I love you guys.
I swear I want to meet the guy who thought this whole thing up. I don't think this country has seen such a dramatic revolutionary idea like this since the Boston Tea Party.
I think of myself as a first amendment guy, but if what you're saying or doing would make somebody disagree with you so strongly that they would take a pie, run up on you, and smack it in into your face, then you should take that as a hint that you *might* be WRONG, or at least, that you have some convincing to do. Martin Luther King is the man and all, but sometimes you just feel like you want to rip some of these people's faces off. Now there is a non lethal, non face removing alternative.
Some of the most hateful shit I've ever heard comes out of the mouth of Anne Coulter. The best part is that this guy runs up right at a time that she is saying some hateful shit. Although this was a failed - and somewhat pathetic - attempt, the seeds have been sown. Keep at her fellas, you'll get your "money shot".
Michael Moore should take a pie in the face every time he tries to turn a question into a fact.
Rush Limbaugh - All Day Everyday. He should be forced to move to and broadcast from a bakery free zone to avoid the constant pummeling (It'd be good for his fat ass too).
There can be no doubt that this direct hit on Bill Gates did much to turn Microsoft into the customer oriented, people friendly business that it is today.
Although Bill Kristol isn't part of the axis of evil, so don't let it get out of hand. Pie value must be maintained. I'm just going to have to take this chick's word on Frank Loy. I mean, Frank Loy? Who in the hell is Frank Loy!
An ideal democracy would replace voting with a pie attack tally. Every time a candidate lies about or talks around an issue - BAM. Tell me you are going to eliminate the deficit - BAM. Tell me you're going to be non partisan - BAM. Emeril Lagasse could moderate the debates. First week of November comes - least amount of pies taken wins.
Notes on pie selection. I'm tired of seeing cheap hacks out there trying to make political statements using Meringue. Thats just weak. I know the real activists out there by their use of the real thick custard pies. The kind of pies that they have to smear off over and over.
Of course, for a true primer on execution of a "Pie Attack" Refer to SF Weekly's "How to Pie".

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to incite or otherwise encourage the activities of organizations such as The Biotic Baking Brigade and Mad Anarchist Bakers' League in the U.S., The Meringue Marauders in Canada, T.A.A.R.T. in Holland and People Insurgent Everywhere (PIE) in the UK. But you guys fucking rock!

PS To the guy who spit tobacco juice in Jane Fonda's face: Thats just nasty. You pig.